According to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) someone
in the U.S. is assaulted every 2 minutes. Approximately 2/3 assaults
are perpetrated by someone known to the victim. These stats can make
dating and relationships a scary task for any woman, let alone a woman
who is a survivor of sexual assault. Sexual assault is a crime that
often leaves its survivors confused, ashamed and angry. The most
important thing is for women to not only survive, but thrive and reclaim
their sexuality. It’s important to understand what a healthy sexual
relationship looks like and to be able to reclaim your right to
explore your sexuality and enjoy it. It can be a challenging and scary
process, but it’s totally worth the while. Learn about how to initiate
reclaiming your sexuality after sexual assault:
Regardless of what may have occurred in the past, you still have the ultimate say in what happens to your body.
Sexual assault may make many women feel powerless or without a voice.
They may feel that if they tried to speak up for themselves before and
were violated, there’s no point in trying again. Each sexual incident
you experience should be consensual and satisfying for you and you have
the final say in what you want to do or not do. That means if you want
to engage in oral sex, but not vaginal sex, your partner should respect
your limits. You don’t owe anyone anything sexually.
Realize the power, strength and beauty of your body.
Sexual assault doesn’t always leave physical scars, but it often
leaves mental and emotional scars of shame. Sexual assault victims often
feel their bodies are de-valued and “dirty” and worry their future
partners will become disgusted upon learning of the assault. No one can
take your beauty away. The female body is an amazing vessel capable of
the very life that walks the earth. No one else’s opinions or attitudes
determine your body’s beauty and power. If you need a bit of strength to
get you started, check out works like
The Vagina Monologues or
For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide/ When the Rainbow is Enuf.
Build your support system and talk to them.
As black women
,
sometimes we feel like we have to deal with everything on our own and
are afraid to ask for help. Recognizing when a situation is beyond your
control and asking for help is actually a sign of strength. Support
groups can offer help from women who are facing many of the same
challenges you are. Counselors who are trained in dealing with sexual
trauma can help you confront your fears and provide you with techniques
to deal with your conflicting emotions that you may not have thought of
on your own. Just talking about your feelings can bring you one step
closer to healing.
Distinguish intimacy from sex.
Since most sexual assault involves a perpetrator who previously knew
the victim, much of it results from a perpetrator who took advantage of a
close, intimate relationship. It’s important to understand that all
intimacy doesn’t lead to sex, and that all sex isn’t about intimacy.
What matters is that both people involved agree and consent on the terms
under which the sex is taking place. Intimacy can be difficult to
understand after sexual assault, so it may take some time. Practice
talking about feelings, being close to someone and expressing emotions
in ways that are not sexual. Understand that all men who want sex, don’t
necessarily want intimacy and be honest with yourself and your partner
about what you expect from a relationship, sexual or otherwise.
Embrace your sexuality.
Your breasts, thighs and your behind are all parts of your female
anatomy that symbolize sex in our society. That is no excuse for
misogyny and they are not the reasons you were assaulted. Sexual assault
in most cases is a display of power, more than it is for sexual
gratification. You shouldn’t feel ashamed to show some cleavage or wear
tight jeans because someone else couldn’t control themselves so they
tried to control you. Men with a healthy view of relationships will not
only honor your sexuality, but respect your sexual values as well.
Sexual assault is serious business and you
have the right to take your time to explore and learn how to manage ALL
of your feelings. Don’t force yourself to run back to work or class and
carry on as usual. By distracting yourself by keeping busy, you’re only
allowing your feelings and thoughts to grow more tangled and built up.
Much like someone recovers in a hospital after being physically
assaulted, you may also need to take some time for recovery and
addressing any issues you may have.
Communicate with future partners.
Your sexual assault doesn’t have to define you, but it shouldn’t have
to be a secret either. It could be a bit misleading to enter into a
committed relationship with someone who isn’t informed about your sexual
history, and the truth is that your assault is now a part of your
sexual history. Be clear with your partner that you don’t want to be
treated like a fragile victim who will flip out if he touches you the
wrong way, but revealing this part of your past can equip your partner
with the mindset that they may have to approach the relationship with a
bit more patience and compassion.
source:
http://madamenoire.com/55124/reclaiming-your-sexuality-after-sexual-assault/
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